


happiness is never grand

by serenascampbell



Category: Holby City
Genre: berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 10:19:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7930954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenascampbell/pseuds/serenascampbell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What  c(sh)ould happen in Brave New World, enjoy the angst xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	happiness is never grand

Serena had barely seen Bernie all day and intentional though it may have been, she couldn’t help but worry. What had happened the night previous seemed to have succeeded in assuaging her guilt somewhat, but Serena knew that no one held up the pretence of being fine with more ease than Bernie Wolfe. She’d left abruptly after the kiss, anxious about what had happened and feeling that she needed some time alone to process. She was still processing, and she’d come to no useful conclusion in the hours of mulling over what had possessed her to not only be kissed by Bernie, but to actively initiate a kiss. 

“Ah, Ms Campbell. It’s plain to see that things have been quite hectic down here but when you get a minute, I’d appreciate if you’d come to my office. No hurry, just before the end of the day please.” Mr Hanssen requested, treading carefully in the knowledge that AAU and all of its staff were in a fragile state following yesterday’s traumatic events. Serena would go as soon as she’d seen Fletch - really she shouldn’t have been treating him, none of them should but there was no other option so they simply forced their feelings aside and did their best. 

“Of course, Henrik. I shouldn’t be too long.“ Serena responded, noticing Bernie in her periphery and quickly excusing herself so that she didn’t have to face the expectant and concerned blonde. 

She entered Fletch’s room to find it silent aside from the hum of the machines. Slipping across to the seat which had been occupied by Raf for a large portion of the past 24 hours, she took the weight off her feet and pursed her lips tightly. Looking at her nurse manager, her friend, her ally inside these four walls, it was difficult for Serena to believe that he was barely alive. Outstretching her right arm, she rested her own hand upon Fletch’s as it lay limply beside his body. 

“What am I to do, Fletch? Trust you to get yourself stabbed and end up in a coma on the day when I most need your help.” Serena joked bitterly, swallowing thickly before she took a deep breath. “I kissed Bernie- well, to be more precise, she kissed me, and then I kissed her. I don’t know what I’m doing Fletch, you’d tell me to stop being an idiot and follow my heart but I don’t know if I can. I won’t be hurt again Fletch, not after Edward…I know she wouldn’t do that to me, but I’m just so scared. I never even realised it but I was laying in bed last night trying to figure out what to do, and I looked back, and I realised that I’ve felt like this for a hell of a long time. I don’t know when the moment was that she was suddenly more than a friend, but God Fletch, I think I’m in love with her. She just feels like home - the world could be falling down around us and if she said it was going to be okay, I’d believe her. She thinks I’m angry with her, I’ve been avoiding her all day because I don’t know what to say.”

Yanked from her thread of thought, Serena looked up and saw Lou at the door, giving her a quick shake of the head before watching the nurse turn and walk away once more. 

“This is all running upon the assumption that she might actually want me. What if it was a mistake? What happened to Alex, I mean, what if Bernie still wants her? I don’t know what to do. I can’t make a fool of myself and destroy our friendship, if I can’t have her heart then I am going to cling to her companionship like a life raft. Why aren’t you here to give me any answers? God, I’m going to kill that man. How dare he come in to our place of work - a space where we can feel safe and loved and in control - and just tear that apart! If you were here, you’d tell me to talk to her, be honest with her, so I think that’s what I have to do.” Serena finished resolutely, squeezing Fletch’s hand and biting the inside of her cheek to steady herself before rising. “I’ll come and see you in the morning, get you up to date. But you focus on getting better, alright? I want you up and at ‘em ASAP!”

Leaning down, Serena placed a tender kiss on her colleagues forehead before exhaling heavily and making for the door. Heading upstairs anxiously, Serena decided in her head that she would pull Bernie aside next time she saw her and she would tell her the truth. Knocking on Henrik’s office door before letting herself in, she stalked in with an expectant look on her face, impatient to know what she was now being held accountable for. 

“Take a seat, Ms Campbell.” Henrik offered, Serena begrudgingly accepting and slipping in to the chair across from the CEO’s own. “Ms Wolfe has been to speak to me today, and she has tendered her resignation pleading personal issues. Obviously, I intend to give her a day’s grace to make sure that she has really considered her decision. Obviously, with a newly formed trauma bay, it would be largely inconvenient to see us lose such a talented surgeon. I ask that you speak to her, and try and see if there can’t be some compromise to be had upon the ward in order to persuade her to remain.”

Serena swallowed down her alarm, fighting back angry tears as she drew in her cheeks. 

“And what makes you think I have any influence over her decision making at all?” The brunette deadpanned, trying to stay calm and fighting against her natural impulse to run and find Bernie and demand to know what on Earth she thought she was doing. “I’ll talk to her, see if I can’t do anything to persuade her, but I won’t be held accountable if she leaves. It’s not my responsibility to keep your staff happy, Henrik.“ 

Henrik nodded matter-of-factly as Serena shot up and left, him concealing the smirk that threatened his lips. 

It didn’t take Serena long to get back on to the ward, and as she shot in to their shared office, Bernie looked up at her with fear in her eyes. Not bothering to take a seat, the brunette simply slammed the door shut and stood at the edge of the desk. 

“Care to explain to me why Hanssen seems to think you’ve resigned?! Is that how much you can’t stand to be around me now?!” Serena exclaimed, not caring who heard out on the ward in the knowledge that no one would have the nerve to say anything to either of them. “You’re not leaving, I won’t let you!”

“Serena- I-” Bernie swallowed, lifting her head to meet Serena’s eyes. “It’s obvious that what happened yesterday made you uncomfortable and if you don’t want to work closely with me anymore then I respect that, you were here first so it’s only fair that I’m the one to leave…leave the trauma unit…leave Fletch and Raf and Morven…leave you.”

“Bernie, I don’t want you to leave! I could never want that!” The older of the two women, though the margin was narrow, uttered sharply. “If you can bear to be near me then stay, please, stay.”

Standing up with regret in her eyes, Bernie outstretched a hand and ran it down Serena’s arm gently. Serena closed her eyes momentarily at the sensation of Bernie touching her, a feeling she’d been come all too familiar with and may now have to say goodbye to. Her hazel eyes were glassy with tears held back hard enough that they did not spill.

“I won’t let you suffer, I won’t let you feel uncomfortable in your own place of work for the good of a trauma bay that you never even asked for. You deserve better than that.” Bernie’s words were tinged with sadness, in months of friendship, she had never once imagined that she could be the cause of Serena’s unhappiness. “Hanssen will get over it - he’ll find a new trauma lead that’ll set the ball rolling for a truly successful unit. Don’t let yourself be blamed.”

“I need answers, Bernie, I just need answers. I kiss you, I basically lay my heart out in front of you, I beg you not to leave and you still go. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. I’ve spent weeks trying to pretend that I’m okay, that there’s nothing wrong because I didn’t want to jeopardise our friendship and now you decide to quit for no good reason. I don’t understand you, Bernie, not even slightly.” Serena exclaimed, frustrated as she bit back tears. 

“Being near you, now, after what happened yesterday. It’s unbearable. I can’t go back to being friends after that, knowing what it’s like to hold you and kiss you and then suddenly having that privilege torn away from me. I’ve tried to hold back and I was doing well, I was coping. I thought I was coming to terms with it, and that I was learning how to be around you but now I can’t, I have to leave for both our sakes.” Bernie’s eyes were downcast as she stepped back, forcing distance between herself and the brunette. 

Serena stepped straight forward to bridge the newly made gap and lifted Bernie’s chin with her finger before pressing her lips soundly against the blonde’s. Bernie’s hand lifted to rest at Serena’s neck, thumb tucked beneath her jaw bone as she clung to the kiss desperately. The brunette had settled her palm against the small of Bernie’s back, tugging her ever closer as they kissed. Drawing away for breath, the two women allowed their eyes to meet and found either pair looking back at them, brimming with love and desperation. 

“Don’t ever leave me, not ever. Not unless you want to.’ Serena whispered pleadingly, her breath hot as her grip on Bernie’s back loosened. 

“Not ever.” Bernie responded calmly before leaning in recapture Serena’s upturned lips against her own.


End file.
